I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.
This wonderful piece from Pablo Nerudo’s Sonnet XI is considered one of the best poems about unfulfilled love. If you’re reading this article, chances are you may have been undergoing the stress of having to deal with unrequited love right now. The truth is we all can go through the depressing phase of unreturned love at some point of time in our life. To begin with, you must take solace in the fact that you’re not alone to deal with this problem and you shouldn’t curse yourself for not having been able to win their love. Just know that it’s perfectly normal to not always get what you yearn for.
More often than not, the failure to deal with unrequited love leads to serious emotional or psychological conditions and it can cause health issues as well. According to WebMD, major depression affects about 14 million American adults, or about 6.7% of the population 18 or older in any given year.
Psychotherapists suggest many practical tips to deal with unrequited love in a way that it helps you move on effectively. Here are five most proactive approaches that can get over unrequited love.
Weigh Your Emotions
The first thing you should do when you feel extremely awful about the unrequited love is examine your emotional needs. Why do you love them so much that you can’t do without them? Are they the one who have the nurturing qualities to fulfill your life? Or could it be that you’ve just been obsessive over them without any reason? Believe it or not, sometimes our emotional needs are just short-lived but we allow them to take over every other priority to such an extent that we end up suspending everything else that is far more important. Taking some time off your routine and introspecting your feelings can help you figure out the reasons that lead to your depression. This will help you develop a proactive approach to overcome the negativity.
If you find yourself engulfed in their thoughts and are unable to focus on other priorities, try distancing yourself from them deliberately. Depending on your proximity, you can stop hanging out at the places where they frequent more often, delete their text messages or contact number from your cell phone, and block them on Facebook friendlist or instant messengers. It may sound strange at first, but this is often a very effective step in bringing closure to the emotional stalemate you’re going through.
Pursue Alternative Hobbies
Moving on isn’t easy; neither is sticking around. Developing a brand-new hobby is a very good step to take your focus away from the usual. Signing up for a swimming lesson, for example, will help you expose yourself to a new environment where you can meet new people to get along with. Besides, learning a new hobby can also help in promoting your self-confidence. According to many depression survivors, reading has an incredibly healing effect on how you feel about yourself. Plus, it can help you improve your knowledge and perspective about life in general. Visit a new bookstore you’ve been procrastinating on for quite a while.
Go Out on Vacation
There are situations wherein it’s too difficult to get over your unrequited love due to the proximity factor. For example, if the person you’ve been obsessing over is a co-worker in the same office where you work, it can be difficult to avoid them on a daily basis. If nothing else seems to work, you might want to consider taking a short break from your work and go out on vacation. Visiting a new place may help you develop fresh insights about your current life and overcome the negativity. You don’t need to spend a fortune; even taking a week off to visit a distant cousin can be helpful.
See a Therapist
When the going gets tough, the tough see a therapist. Sometimes, it’s vital to recognize how much you can deal with your depression all by yourself. If the situation seems too hard to cope with on your own and there’s no support system you can fall back on, don’t hesitate to see a professional therapist. There are many help lines available to help you deal with your depression. Here are some numbers you may find useful when you really need some professional help.
Hope Line Network
Phone:(800) SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
National Suicide Prevention Hotline
Phone:(800) 273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
National and International Suicide Helpline Numbers
Resources and numbers by states and countries
International Foundation for Research and Education on Depression (iFred)
Phone:(800) 422-HOPE (1-800-422-4673)
Boys Town Hotline
Phone (In the UK): 08457 90 90 90
Phone (In Ireland): 1850 60 90 90
Finally, here’s a beautiful track to comfort you.
Hope the tips to get over unrequited love help.